Don’t you love how new relationships seem so magical, so filled with intoxicating energy? Whether it’s romantic, platonic, or a work partnership, when you enter into something new, you feel so inspired and excited. It seems like this person gets you and understands you in a way you have been longing for. You feel as if he or she wants nothing more than to be your cheerleader, cheering you on.
And then something happens…the magic seems to disappear, like the smoke of a campfire dissipating into thin night air. The energy fades and you feel robbed, as though something toxic has come in and dissolved the magnetic bond you experienced. Who or what is the culprit? You find yourself asking, “What happened here?” Was it all just a dream? Or maybe just wishful thinking? Admit it: you wonder if you could have done something differently. Or maybe you just give up and tell yourself that the magic only happens in the beginning. You settle for believing this is the way things have to be, that every relationship eventually becomes mundane. That special connection with others isn’t sustainable, the level of intensity can’t be maintained – you have to wear out eventually. Right?
Magic Can Be Sustained.
Wrong! Magic can be sustained. It’s all about you. You and the energy you bring to the table. Are you showing up reluctantly to the party or are you the host that spends the time and energy to make each guest have a memorable experience?
What is your energy investment?
Think about the beginning of any relationship. You show up. You’re present, waiting with anticipation for the conversations, listening intently. Your energy is invested in this person, this encounter, this moment. You want to hear every word, feel what they feel, understand who they are and what makes them want to get out of bed each morning. You can’t wait to wake up each day and learn more about this person. At the same time, you feel this person is equally invested in listening, understanding, and making you feel like you matter. That is the magic. The energy you bring and receive is focused and present. But now that some time has gone by, you begin to take the moments and encounters for granted. It doesn’t seem so special when you get to encounter that person every day.
You start to view the encounters as not the highlight of your day, but just a part of your routine.
You begin to take the other person for granted.
Think back. If the relationship is romantic, remember how you took time for dates, for long walks, for the never-ending talks? Remember how you found any excuse to just brush up against that person and feel the touch of his or her hand? If it’s a friendship, reflect on how you used to make time for new adventures, for laughter and creating memories. If it’s a work partnership, remember how you took the time to do what it took to be hired by this client, to land the job, to get the approval of your new boss, to place the winning bid. At first, you bring the energy of giving it your all because it matters to you: nothing is as important.
You can make magic happen every day.
4 Tips to Keep Magic Alive
- Create the space
- Be committed to being present when you are spending time with this person. You can’t multitask and be truly present, so get rid of distractions – phone calls, e-mails, social media, thinking about your to-do list. Look into people’s eyes as they talk to you. Receive what is being given to you in the moment. What if we lived as if every encounter with someone would be our last? We would show up quite differently. Whether the encounter is with your best friend, spouse, business partner, or child, create the space for the magic to happen by being fully present. Give the energy of you. The only thing in the world that matters is this present moment.
- I think I’m a good listener, but I’m also a rescuer. I want to fix things for people. My good intentions can actually make me a very bad listener because I am focused on the solution instead of what someone is sharing. What I have learned is that kind of listening doesn’t make people feel special – it makes them feel not heard and causes them to shut down. Be present and listen without an agenda. Don’t think ahead to what you want to reply, or how it affects you, or how you can fix the situation, or when this person will finish talking. Remember that every word that is being shared with you matters. Listen as if you are hearing a bride and groom recite their wedding vows, as if the only place in the world you can imagine being is with this person, hearing his or her words.
- Respond from the heart.
- This isn’t about giving advice or telling someone how to fix things. This is not about how it affects you. This is not a time for judgment or a criticism of how you would do things differently. This is about you reflecting back that you understand what was shared with you. Express that your energy absorbed and felt this person’s energy, whether it was excitement, joy, love, fear, or anxiety. Reflect with the understanding that you get it.
- Commit to trying.
- Realistically, life will present many distractions. We live in a hectic, fast-paced world. But we can make the time to be present daily. It takes practice, but it is worth it. Practice pays off for the big win – for ensuring that the magic in your life happens again and again. Ultimately, we all want to feel special, to feel heard and like we matter. All it takes is being willing to show up and be fully present, committed to the moment. When others feel this energy from you, then they will match it – which means you are creating the space for magic to happen for both of you. If we all lived from a place of seeing how present we can be in each moment, then we can change the energy of every encounter, whether it’s exchanging money with the cashier at the grocery store or telling your spouse about your day. Your energy and your presence can create all the difference. Try it. Be fully present today in an encounter and make someone feel understood, feel special, as if they truly matter. See what happens – and then repeat.