Letting go of the past is the key to change. New creation in life, especially in relationships, will only be stunted if the energy of the past lingers.
Whenever we have an experience which is full of emotions, whether it be fear, or sadness, or reject or shame, it’s important to process and release in order to not repeat the same patterns over and over again.
If you are still holding onto the energy of some past emotional pain, you will know it by finding yourself feeling the same way with a new person in a new relationship. All of the sudden, there will be a deja vu moment of “I’ve been here before.” The person you are dealing with is different, the time is different, the relationship is different. The only thing which remains unchanged is you, your unresolved emotional energy and the same thoughts repeating the same words and causing the same feelings. New day, new relationship, old you showing up to repeat the past.
It’s like walking around with bandaged wounded places and feeling the same hurt whenever someone touches you. You haven’t healed the wound so, the hurt remains even if the relationship has changed.
To be in a new experience without projecting your old emotional wounds, here are some key tips to release and be fully you:
- Awareness: You have to be aware of what is happening. When you feel yourself repeating an old pattern, stop and take a breath. Realize that if this is a feeling you have felt before then it probably is not about the here and now. Be willing to be aware. Try closing your eyes, taking a deep breath and being aware of what you are feeling. Place a name to the feeling. Is it fear? If so, of what? Some possible themes are rejection, abandonment, loss, unworthiness. When you can acknowledge the presence of old energy, old thoughts and old wounds, then you can move to the next step to release.
- Allow: Allow yourself time to observe. Slow down, and turn inward to explore what is happening. Ask yourself, “When have I felt this way before?” Allow your mind to float backwards over time and see what memories arise. Allow the memory to play in your mind as if you are watching a movie scene. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. It may feel uncomfortable but if you allow the feeling, then the feeling can subside. Emotions are meant to be energy in motion. If we suppress the emotion then it becomes stuck and becomes a wounded place. After the feeling subsides, ask yourself again, “When have I felt this before?” Allow any other memories to arise and allow the feelings to surface. Try asking, “When is the first time I ever felt this way?” Your mind knows your wounds and will fall to the place where you were first hurt in this way. Again, allow the memory and allow the feeling.
- Acknowledge: Continue to process by acknowledging what is current and what is old. See the wounded places, acknowledge some of this old energy is affecting your current situation and acknowledge yourself with compassion. We all hold energy of the past in some way. Acknowledge what is true in the present moment and what is not. Acknowledge the gift of awareness and see the present moment without the energy of the past wounding.
- Awareness: Repeat the process all over again. Every time you are aware and allow old energy to surface to be released, you will find that it becomes easier and easier to be in the present moment without projecting your past experiences. Trying different techniques to sharpen your awareness skills can help you even further. A practice of being mindful of the here and now without judgment is most helpful in stopping the past from affecting your present moment. Try a mindfulness meditation or breathing exercise to fine tune your self-awareness.
A simple mindfulness technique is to set a timer for 5 to 10 minutes, sit, close the eyes, and practice following the breath in and out without judgment. If you have thoughts, be aware of thoughts, allow the thoughts and continue to follow the breath. The more you practice, the more your awareness grows.
Lexlee Overton is a Mindfulness and Meditation Expert and uses scientifically proven techniques to help professionals train their minds to release stress, anxiety, and fear; become power-performers; and love what they do all at the same time.